Counseling & Coaching for Today's Generation of Modern Couples and Young Professionals
Dr. Chris Fragiskatos
3435 Camino Del Rio South
San Diego, CA 92108
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Don't you wish you could just get a break from your partner when you mess up? Do you wish to be given the benefit of the doubt? Then let’s discuss the Goodwill Bank.
It’s a figurative bank account, but in many ways, it mirrors a regular bank account except that instead of dealing with money, it deals with emotions and Goodwill.
But even though it’s just a figurative bank account, we can still make deposits and we can make withdrawals. And like any other bank account, it’s important to carry a balance, and the higher the balance, the greater security you have.
Let's look at a simple example using a financial bank account. Assume you have $10,000 in the bank when an unexpected expense comes your way costing you $400. For the sake of discussion, let’s say it's a blown-out tire.
While it's an inconvenience and it may require some extra effort on your part, at least financially you have the expense covered since you have more than enough money in the bank.
So, while it may be a hassle, it’s a relatively minor problem that will cause no significant disruption to your life and will be shortly forgotten.
Now imagine that same example, except this time you only have $200 in the bank, which is not nearly enough to pay for the new tire. As you can see, this unexpected expense carries much greater significance, and will cause much greater stress and disruption to your life since you don't have the resources to absorb it.
You may have to borrow money to purchase a new tire, you may have to skip work because you have no way to get there, or you may have to ride the bus while you’re waiting on your next paycheck to purchase the new tire.
As you can see, the exact same circumstance can have a vastly different impact on you and your life, depending on the balance in your bank account.
This applies itself in the exact same way when we discuss the emotional bank account. The more Goodwill you have saved in the account, a "higher balance” so to speak, the more prepared you are for an unexpected withdrawal.
An emotional withdrawal might be something like hurting your partner’s feelings, perhaps offending them in some way, perhaps disagreeing with them on a significant issue, perhaps not being sensitive enough to your significant other in a time of need, or it might even be going out with your friends when you should have stayed home.
It could be many different things to many different people. But ultimately, it’s a hurt, or a slight in some way that negatively impacts your partner or significant other. When this happens, you’re withdrawing Goodwill, so the more Goodwill you have accumulated, the easier it will be for your relationship to rebound from the withdrawal.
Have you ever had a friend who upset you or hurt your feelings, yet due to the strong nature of the friendship, you shrugged it off and thought it as no big deal? That is an example of the Goodwill bank at work.
It works in the reverse as well. Make too many withdrawals, while not making enough contributions, and the relationship may not be able to sustain the impact of those withdrawals.
So, what are the ways in which you can build goodwill in your relationship with your significant other? By doing kind things, by doing good deeds, by taking actions which make your partner feel special, feel noticed, feel heard, feel valued, and feel significant.
These don’t have to be excessively large complicated actions or deeds, a simple text in the middle of the day to say hello, to see how they’re feeling, to offer help or device. Anything that makes the person feel special and valuable will build good will.
It could be a pat on the shoulder, a hold of the hand, or a kiss hello and goodbye. Doing these things consistently over time will help you build Goodwill and fill your account. And then when you need it the most, when you inadvertently mess up, your partner will hardly notice or think poorly of you as you've created a cushion to absorb the slight. You've created a climate where you partner will give you the break you are hoping for.
Please pass this on to anybody who you think would benefit from this information
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Consultation, Counseling, and Coaching available at my San Diego, CA office located at 3435 Camino Del Rio South, Suite 336, San Diego, CA, 92108. I can be reached by phone or text at 619-990-4787 or by email using the Contact Form on my website.
Additionally, coaching and consultation on a national basis can take place virtually in a Skype or Facetime video chat session, or by phone.
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Dr. Chris Fragiskatos & Aim Counseling
3435 Camino Del Rio South, Suite 336
San Diego, CA 92108
Call @ 619-990-4787
Schedule an Appointment Today!
Dr. Chris Fragiskatos, Ph.D., LMFT #34336